The Singing Warrior: Guest speaker in Pisa, Italy but strange guest in Bed & Breakfast

I had a long journey to Pisa last week because in the winter there are no direct flights to Pisa. One has to fly via Rome and a 3-hour wait turned into a 4-hour delay. I have to confess that i am not the best of travellers and bogged down with a sort of ‘flu virus’, a snottering, coughing fellow passenger is not pleasant. I felt other passengers wanted to escape my ‘splutterings. There is nothing worse than a overfull nose and a ticklish cough whilst travelling.!

Pisa is a wonderful old city and as I greeted her ancient buildings and was led to my accomodation, I felt that I was being catapulted back into the past. Three rather large brass keys were handed over to me as I ascended the grand old granite stairs and landed into a vestibule. Long corridors beckoned me and I knew that old residents were watching me, their ghostly energies imprisoned for centuries. I am not a person who is afraid of the ├║nknown’but as the landlady promptly left me with a high-pitched CIAO and her footsteps echoed and bounced off the ancient sand-colured walls, I felt a chill running up my spine. Alone at last. Nobody else was a guest this weekend. I had the place all to myself. I could choose which room I could sleep in. PREGGO, PREGGO…I reflected the landlady’s delight in showing me one exquisite room after another. I chose for a smaller room with less echo and a little bit more natural sunlight. I settled in for the night……..The event was the next day so I wanted to get an early night.

I had just dozed off when I heard footsteps outside my room and thought that the landlady had forgotten to tell me something so I opened the door and was greeted by NOBODY. In the darkness, I could see nothing and walked out into the corridor and automatically lights went on. I promptly shouted ‘HELLO but my hello came back to me in an eery echo and then silence. I was not too perturbed. The landl

The Christmas blood-red rose

The Christmas blood-red rose

ady probably forgot something. I re-entered my room. I settled in again for the night. I suddenly heard my door rattling. A very large brass knob was on the door and it started to make a lot of noise as if someone was trying to get in. I then realized that perhaps I had a nightly visitor and I was an unwelcome guest. Being on a shamanic path and having experienced “episodes” from the other side, I remained calm and asked my visitor to respect my stay and that I meant no harm. The rattling stopped and I could get back to what I longed for – SLEEP. In the course of the night, I felt a presence near me on the bed and then out of the blue, my bottom was pinched. Yes, a bottom-pincher had decided to make himself known. I was pinched a number of times (which was quite funny) but I was losing my patience because of sleep deprivation and a runny nose. I hopped out of the bed angrily and asked the presence to stop, either go to the light or leave me alone. It all stopped and at last I could have a good night’s sleep.

The next morning, I was collected by the President of the Event and she asked me if I had a good night’s sleep. I replied: Yes, we did!!!

Fellow warriors, we are all connected and there is only a veil between us and the other side. There will always be old energies in old places. I had no problem for the rest of the weekend and look back now with fond memories of my Italian bottom-pincher. It has been a long time since I had my bottom pinched. I thought it would have happened on public transport or in a confined space on the touristic route. I was pleasantly surprised!!


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The Singing Warrior” The What If’s don’t work any more….

I heard the wind last night creeping through the cracks of my old apartment.The heavy rainfall soothed my sleeplessness. It reminded me of my youth in Ireland. Many a winter’s night, my father would tell my brothers and I an exciting story. Treasure Island was our favourite and he would play the wonderful voices of the pirates and my fondest memory was his squawking parrot impression. We would all squeal in delight.

My daughter has crept into my bed because her bedroom is too noisy and cold with all the elements trying to be heard and as I hear her soft breathing next to mine, I think about the ‘what if’s’ in my life. What if I had handled things differently? What if I had known then what I know now? What if I had never come to the Netherlands? What if I could go back to the place where I came from But then, a voice in me said: STOP. I am in the story now and for a good reason. I am in a place that I deserve. I am in a place where it has taken me to get here. I am in a place where I take responsibility for being here. I am in a place where the whats and the ifs don’t belong any more.

The place is now and when we start questioning why we are here and why this took place? Then it’s time to stop and recover. To take stock and be grateful that we are where we need to be NOW. On my soul journey, I have experienced many things both good and bad. But events don’t define me. People who I meet don’t define me. Situations that happen don’t define me. The divinity within me defines me. The inner cycle of neverending transformation defines me. Yes, it’s difficult, because we are all FLAWED. And through our imperfections, we are constantly seeking perfection. That is the what ifs in our lives. However, I see what is tonight in my drafty apartment. I see a woman who loves and is loved. I see a woman who, despite great adversity in her life, is positive and trusting. I see what does not seem. To see the invisible and not to be blind to it. To see other fellow warriors as they are, stripped of all their middle-earth trappings. To learn our lessons every day as we live and are blessed to live on this planet.

Don’t seek the what if’s my fellow warriors. Seek the nows, the non-limitations, the illusions and dreams. The CONNECTION.


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The Singing Warrior: Writing again with a fat heart


Our daughter is nearly eighteen the end of the month. It’s a time of reflection of the changes that have taken place in her and my life. She has grown into an independent, loving and above all, very mindful young woman.I remember back to when I was her age and honestly cannot say that I was happy. I was a deeply unhappy individual. Was it circumstance or choice? Then I see a beautiful woman before me who has become my greatest teacher. She sings from the time she rises until her bedtime. Yes, I will admit, I still tuck her in and say goodnight, when allowed. I smell the freshness of youth on her pillow and the softness of her lips on my cheek. Next year, her journey into the world shall begin. Who knows where it will take her and who knows how many more mornings I will hear her voice echoing in our apartment?

I had a married girlfriend on the phone who feels lonely because her child has ‘fled the nest’. Suddenly, her task as mother has changed. It’s not a hands-on task anymore. More like being part of the ‘guided tour’ and you stop off early. The tour continues on without you but you have the choice to hop on board at various different ‘stops’. I encouraged her to do more things for herself and to re-assess her married life. Do more things together…..
But honestly. Was this just a standard advice on my part? We cannot ignore our feelings of loss and longing. To ignore our instincts and tell ourselves to focus on other things now. I felt I let her down as a friend in giving her the conditioned answers that Society expects you to spit out.

We need to grieve, whatever way we feel like. The time has not yet come for me but I am in the process already. I catch myself staring at my daughter, when she’s not looking. Drinking in everything about her. Her laugh dimples that radiate from her face, her long, slender fingers strumming the guitar. It’s as if I’m uploading a computer of memories so that I can draw from them later, whatever later means. She’s not dying, for God’s sake. She’s growing up, changing, moving forward. But my heart still bleeds a little. I’m not looking forward to an ’empty echoe’ instead of the colourful sounds that fill our apartment. No, I’m not looking forward to ‘silence’.

Is it because I am single? No. I have enough married friends that think the same. It’s mother’s heart. It’s the heart that held the baby, watched the toddler take her first steps. Held the hand of a confused teenager. Now, the heart is telling you to let go. The fat heart that had so much love in it. It’s time for it to become thinner and let the love seep out gradually to surrender to change.

It will be okay. Of course, it will. Change takes time and patience. Change shifts and lets other ‘stuff’ in. Change makes way for other changes. But for now, and I’m in the now, another daybreak filled with all that is part of me and of me but not ME.


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The Singing Warrior: Throw out everything you thought you knew


The more I walk my path, the more I see that I need to throw away all my knowledge of everything I thought to have known. We are all ruled by old conditioning. I am now starting afresh with ‘no knowledge’. A blank canvas to de-analyse, de-educate, de-relate, de-focus, de-react….the list is endless.

It’s only when we are aware of the incredible process of generations of conditioning and the de-processing of all that we thought to be true or to have known, that we come to a place of ‘being’. All and everything is ‘fear-based and our reactions to everything that is communicated to us is not the truth. I have not chosen the ‘deluxe package deal’ in this lifetime and yes, fellow warriors, it’s not easy. I have no battles to fight only the battles that have been created for me. Our great Society has been woven into complicated patterns to soothe and placate.

Christianity and all other religions saw the great ‘power’ in de-powering of the masses. Natural intuitive behaviour was frowned upon and the great shamans throughout history were burned at the stake or destroyed on such a mass level that it is incomprehensible to comprehend.

The crossroads has come for so many of us to question, to de-evaluate the whole process that we have been given. WE live on middle-earth and need to have a balance but I am not accepting the inevitable, not receiving the righteous opinions of fellow warriors who have made the choice to be ‘stuck’ in their choices. My path is purely to open the wounds and let the Light in. To be the hollow bone to facilitate all that is good and pure. To live and lead by example not by teachings. To shatter my Ego so that the ‘me’ is only the ‘being of me’ and not the whole me of what Society dictates.

Food for thought my fellow warriors.

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The Singing Warrior: Waiting to show up for me


Another day in the forest to clear my head and my thoughts. My canine companion romping ahead of me. I haven’t felt like writing for quite a while and it bothers me why that is? Is it because I am so involved in the everyday routine of life getting totally overwhelmed by life itself and its pressures and ‘having tos’. I wonder is it just a time of recollection and I need the time to ‘shift’ into another place for me. Who knows?

I am not inspired at the moment to write words of encouragement. Perhaps my own courage has taken the place of a ‘battle weary’ warrior, retreating, recovering. All I know is that I am so grateful for ‘just showing up’. Showing up to the possibilities that are there for me. To ‘show up’ for others who need a friend for a while to walk with them on their sole journey. Sometimes, in ‘defeat’ is our greatest ‘victory’. Yes, it’s difficult raising a teenager on your own. Yes, it’s tough paying the bills and all those earthly ‘need to be done’ obligations. However, that is not my greatest difficulty. It’s the apathy and complacency that surrounds me. It’s the ‘disconnection’ that I feel with others that saddens me. When ‘monetary’ gain is the greatest achievement. When parents encourage their children to behave with no consequence. Yet, there are so many more warriors who realize that this does not ‘serve’ us. Our Society is shifting slowly but surely.

I am waiting in the ‘eye of the storm’, calm and steadfast. I see my daughter being the empowered young woman she is. I let go of my anger and sadness and ask the wind to free me of the last remnants of all that holds me back from ‘SHOWING UP FOR ME’.


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